The past meets the future
by Kairan1979
Summary: Why Bruce Wayne was so annoyed during "Batman: The Musical"? It's time to learn the real reason. Spoilers for Out of the Past episode of Batman Beyond.


**Summary**: _why Bruce Wayne was so annoyed during "Batman: The Musical"? Read this story to learn the real reason. Spoilers for Out of the Past episode of Batman Beyond._

_

* * *

  
_

**1. **

Watchtower

Batman entered Hall of Justice ans saw that all the Leaguers gathered around Scarlet Speedster, who was grinning as maniac.

_He can't run out of jokes, can he?_

Batman's attention was focused on his latest discovery of Red Claw being alive, so he didn't recognize who started singing, imitating (poorly) a cheerful young woman.

_"Happy anniversary, Mistah J,_

_You are really swell and OK,_

_It's seven years to the day,_

_Take the night off, let's play"._

There was only one woman in Batman's life who constantly used "Mistah J".

Batman turned to the group and asked J'ohn "What's wrong with him? Flash is mind-controlled again and believes that he is Harley Queen?"

"Don't worry, that's not the case" answered Superman, trying not to smile.

"Hey, Bats!" yelled Flash. "You'll never guess what happened to me today!"

Batman answered dryly "Considering your inpersonation of Harley Queen seconds ago, there's a lot of things I can believe".

"I've been to the _future_! Purely by accident, I swear!"

Flash was time-travelling. Again. That can't be good.

"It's always an accident with you, West. Grow up a bit! Do you need another lecture about dangers of time travelling?"

"Geez, Bats, don't get your tights in a bunch! I was there only for two hours!.."

"TWO HOURS?!"

"Two hours. Go sue me. It as so funny, I couldn't help myself. I had to see it all".

"To see WHAT?" Batman was slowly losing patience.

Flash made a dramatic pause, cleared his throat and answered "**Batman : The Musical**".

_What?_

"Isn't it great, Bats? They did a show about you! Dancing, singing, all the cool stuff! And you should have seen the Rogues Gallery! I swear, if this show couldn't make you laugh, nothing can! Ah, here's a good one. You saved Robin from Joker, Two-Face and Penguin. Everybody left, there's only you, Bat-Signal and Commish Gordon in the canter of the stage".

Wally's left palm "said", trying hard to sound as an old man _"Good work, Caped Crusader. Once again you've saved our fair city from those vile miscreants". _

Wally's right palm "answered", this time imitating Bat-voice _"They were no problem, Commissioner. For as we all know, criminals are... " _ long dramatic pause and the singing started again.

_"A superstitious, cowardly lot! _

_They plan and plot, but they always get caught! _

_Their evil schemes all come to naught! _

_A superstitious, cowardly lot!" _

"So, Bats, what do you think?"

Batman grumbled "One word. _Ridiculous_".

Then he strategically left, trying not to listen to frowns and snorts, to keep his wounded his pride from further assaults.

* * *

**2. **

A week later, Gotham City.

"Robin was a _girl_?"

Wally nodded.

"Gee, thanks, that really helps my self-esteem - being tied to the chair, with Harley making lewd jokes and overweight Batman coming to the rescue!"

"You don't know the best part!.."

"I don't WANT to know!"

"But that's so cool!.."

Suddenly Robin's communicator came to life.

"Robin, trouble at the docks. Be careful, Bane can be involved".

"Got it. Sorry, big guy, Duty calls!" Robin shot grappling hook and leapt off the rooftop, muttering to himself "Saved by bell".

* * *

**3. **

Two weeks later, Detroit

_"A superstitious, cowardly lot..."_

"Wally, try to sing this again, and you'll learn that "fastest man alive with a limp" wasn't just a threat".

"And I'll wrap you in nice warm green cocoon, so you'd have nowhere to run until Hawkgirl finishes with you" promised John.

"You are no fun!" Flash turned into red blur and was gone before Green Lantern could raise a hand to stop him.

* * *

**4. **

Two months later, Christmas Eve.

Flash, in Santa's hat on top of of his usual headwear, was singing - again.

_"Jingle Bells, Batman smells,_

_Robin laid an egg,_

_The Batmobile lost a wheel _

_And the Joker got away, hey!"_

What a relief. "Jingle Bells" never was a part of infamous show.

Batman looked up to the skies and prayed "I never asked you for help, but please, I don't want to hear about **Batman : The Musical **ever again!"

* * *

**5.**

Many years later

It was first Bruce's birthday since Terry started wearing Batsuit. And first birthday since his retirement somebody bothered to give him a birthday present.

Kid decided to do something nice for him, broke his piggybank and bought two tickets for the show. And stubbornly refused to tell the name of a show, not wanting to spoil a surprise.

Bruce prepared himself for the worst. With Terry's lack of interest for classics, it can be musical version of "Sentries of the Last Cosmos".

_But you are not supposed to look a gift horse to a mouth? Not that I followed this particular saying when I was Batman._

Bruce had to admit, the seats weren't as bad as he expected.

The lights darkened, red curtain parted. The whole scene was filled with fog. And when it cleared -

_"I'm Vengeance, I'm The Night, I am - BATMAN!"_

Bruce felt like he was on receiving end of Darkseid's Omega Beams, unable to duck and run to save himself.

_"Batman!_

_Batman!_

_Batman!_

_There is a song the good folks sing! - Song the good folks sing! _

_Batman! _

_About a hero on the wing! - Hero on the wing! _

_Batman! _

_I am Gotham's Darkest Knight, the villains' darkest fright, turn on the signal light, for - Batman!"_

He was a recluse for too long. He had no idea they've made an actual show about him.

And now proverbial gift horse turned out to be Trojan Horse.

_"No, no, NO! It's not fair! Of all the performances in Gotham City Opera House, why it must be THIS?.."_

Bruce quietly asked the Creator "You hate me, don't you?"

Terry innocently replied, unaware of his mentor's inner struggle "Come on, lighten up, it's your birthday".

Bruce, innerly cringlng after seeing theatrical version of himself (who was better suited for Penguin's role, judging by his shape, or the lack of thereof), decided not to correct the kid.

He'd endure this slow torture as long as he can.

Bruce wasn't sure he can last long.

**The End.**


End file.
